Jane: Trent, how much money do you have? Trent?
Trent: I have none. So I said nothing.
-Art Burn
Jane: Say it, whatever it is youre thinking, say it. They can go on like this for hours!
-Road Worrier
Its simple, backwards junk food has nothing to do with music.
-Jane, Road Worrier
Jake: Whats wrong Quinn?
Daria: Its her grades. Or at least it will be.
-Lucky Strike
Jane: I like having low self-esteem. Makes me feel special.
-Esteemers
Quinn: Like I always say, Quinn, if not you, who? If not now, when?
Daria: If not leave, puke.
Doctor Quinn, medicine moron.
-Daria, Jake of Hearts
Trent: See Max, sub-zero isnt one number. Its all the numbers below zero.
Max: So what?
Trent: So the temperature cant get below sub-zero, cause no matter how low it gets its still part of the sub-zero set.
Jesse: Set? Isnt that like algebra?
Trent: Aw man. Sound check.
Daria: And now my once rational mother is telling me I should respect Quinns beliefs.
Jane: Hm, I suppose the Earth could be flat.
Daria: Even that makes more sense. I mean watch the bloodshed on the evening news and then tell me there are guardian angels.
Jane: Well someones keeping those dictators in combat boots.
Daria: Oh come on.
Jane: You know whats bothering you? Youre afraid that its true. That the Quinns of the world fit in so well because something really is looking out for them. That everythings already been decided, they win, you lose and what you do doesnt matter cause the end is fixed. God Im depressed.
-Groped by an Angel
Trent: Were Mystik Spiral and well be back for the second set.
Jesse: This was the first set!
Trent: Ah, yeah.
Quinn: Wheres my angel?
Daria: I guess nows not the time to tell her about the Tooth Fairy.
-Groped by an Angel
Helen: Quinn seems to be doing better.
Daria: Dont blame me, I tried to make her cry.
Jake: What are you doing in bed when the house is on fire?!
Daria: Um, seeing if these sheets are flame retardant?
-Fire!
Helen: Daria, you cant stay in there forever.
Daria: I can once they put in my high speed internet connection.
-Boxing Daria
Bobby: Welcome to Le Grande Hotel. Im Bobby and Im here to assist you with all your needs.
Daria: In that case Ill have a pizza and an isolation tank.
Helen: Its been a long day.
Daria: Which promises to be an even longer night.
-Fire!
Jake: Look Helen, a dimmer switch!
Daria: Thatll make her forget the fire.
-Fire!
Daria: This is like tat scene from Pinocchio where he realizes hes growing ears like all the other donkeys.
Jane: Well then stop making an ass out of yourself and go and talk to Tom.
Daria: Alright.
Jane: And always let your conscience be your-
Daria: Oh, shut up!
-Sappy Anniversary
Quinn: (on phone) And the coat hangers here have that satiny padding to protect your clothes.
Daria: the same kind of satiny padding thats in my head.
-Fire!
Jake: Damn crappy piece of crappy crap!
Daria: Im reminded of my father.
Jane: Why?
Daria: Because I cant the phrase Damn idiot teachers, with their damn idiot brains out of my head.
-The story of D
Daria: Good grief.
Jane: Its lame DJs Charlie Brown.
-Jake Of Hearts
Jane: Daria, would say falling asleep with the guitar in your hands is practising?
Trent: As long as you dont drop it.
Tom: (opens door) Oh, hi.
Jane: Oh, hi. Go to Hell!
Daria: Ever had on of those moments, not shower, no matter the duration or temperature can ever erase?
Jane: Im leaning towards trauma induced amnesia myself. Punch my head would ya?
-The story of D
What do you think this stuff id that looks like vomit?
-Stacy, The story of D
Jane: Is that the voice in my head that tells me to kill and kill again?
Daria: No. Satans voice is lower and has an English accent.
-Lucky Strike
Daria: (about Kevin) We think hes doing well, considering he missed out on evolution.
-Lucky Strike
Jane: Moneys not the issue here.
Garry: Ill increase your cut to 60%.
Jane: Money is the issue here.
-Art Burn
Jane: I think after school Ill go home, surf the web. See if there are any scholarships for under achievers.
Jodie: She almost sounds like you.
Daria: Does that mean Ive been sounding like you?
Brittany: Hi!
Daria: If any of starts sounding like her, its time to panic.
Daria: One of these things is not like the others.
-Art Burn
Daria: Well Im looking for blonde as a bat, but so far, no luck.
-Dye, Dye my Darling
Jane: You and Tom have never, made out or anything?
Daria: Come on!
Jane: I know, I know.
Daria: Can you picture me making out with anyone? Ever?
Jane: Can I stop short of your wedding night?
-Dye, Dye my Darling
(Daria/Tom kiss)
Daria: Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit!
Tom: I know, I liked it too.
Daria: Thats not funny.
(kiss again)
Tom: No, that was definitely not funny.
-Dye, Dye my Darling
Stacy: Just stare in the mirror and talk about yourself. Well I cant take it anymore! I-I quit!
Tiffany: Maybe I should quit too.
Stacy: Aaah!
-Fat Like Me
Jane: Brittany, can I ask you a hypothet- ah, make believe question?
-Fat Like me
You are now entering Lawndale: IQ limits strictly enforced.
-The Daria Diaries
Daria Morgendorffer: Born alienated. The world is my oyster...but I cant seem to get it open. Motto: Smart is not a 4 letter word. That would be smar.
-The Daria Diaries
Jane Lane: Artiste extraordinaire and pizza fiend. Believes paint-by-number kits are inherently evil. Motto: Every cloud has a smoky grey lining.
-The Daria Diaries
So many dates, so little time. Would you get me a soda
-Quinn, The Daria Diaries
People who live happily ever after are into some serious denial.
-The Daria Diaries
Its a mans world, especially when it comes to competitive belching.
-The Daria Diaries
A womans home is her castle. Excuse me while I go raise the drawbridge.
-The Daria Diaries
Kevin and Brittany were made for each other. From defective parts.
-The Daria Diaries
Does watching television isolate us from one another? God, I hope so.
-The Daria Diaries
His father married his stepdaughter. But look out-here comes a bouncing baby boy! Next on Sick Sad World
Death or velvety green? Homicidal houseplants, next on Sick Sad World
I like musicians. They make me look motivated.
-The Daria Diaries
My subconscious usually wishes it were unconscious.
-The Daria Diaries
The Mall of the Millennium: If the customer is always right, then what the hell is she doing at a place like this?
-The Daria Diaries
If teachers really had eyes in the backs of their heads, school would be a lot cooler.
-The Daria Diaries
When two hearts beat as one, someone needs a checkup.
-The Daria Diaries
I follow fashion. I just give it a big head start.
-The Daria Diaries
